Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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