Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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