um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
