VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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