everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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