I hate all girls vehemently.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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