could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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