All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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