first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
