If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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