it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
