Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
