she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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