i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
