I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
