I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
