i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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