last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
