what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
