Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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