It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
