Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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