Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
