just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
