tell your sister to shave her snatch
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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