dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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