All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
