Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
