Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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