I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
