apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
