Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
