Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
