I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
