Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
