Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
