she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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