yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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