i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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