So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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