Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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