giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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