we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
