he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
