awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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