some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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