i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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