standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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