When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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