Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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