I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
