he wants to bone in the snuggie
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
