Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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