Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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