She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
