This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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