just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
