This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
