I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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