just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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