Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
