I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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