i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
