How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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