On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ttyl tear gas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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