I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
