i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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