Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
