I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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