I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
