yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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