life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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