so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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