Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
