I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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