I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
