I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
