I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
