Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
