also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am available for nakedness
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
