happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
