Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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