This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
