Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
