I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize