Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
