do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
