butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
